Thanks: Nora Schultz
Exhibition: Carpenter Center for the Visual Arts, Cambridge, MA

Who am I

I picked up a set of discarded filing cabinets from the Recycling Center. Some of these filing cabinets gradually aggregated into a new form. The growth process started from a linear configuration that slowly evolved into a more grotesque, organic form.

This ‘creature’ developed a new skin and was searching for its identity. Even as it had been emptied out of its past memories, it spoke to itself and tried to remember bits and pieces from its previous life. It would construct itself by putting together its memories but suddenly collapse back into a state of disintegration. Yet, it would rise again and try to build its sense of being. This process of synthesis and dissolution would continue through acts of remembering, forgetting and projecting its desires onto its past.

stop looking at me!

if you really want to engage, then why don't you pay attention.. i have things to share .. lately i’ve been getting these dreams.. and then sometimes i dream of other dreams.. how do i know that they are dreams and not real memories? maybe because in my dreams i can clearly see those memories.. but i dont feel in it my skin.. there is no visceral response to those memories.. anyway i'm rambling..

maybe you should help me.. help me make meaning of these memories.. i remember some things clearly..
what was the big fuss about ?.. everybody kept looking for corel word perfect.. then there was this smart system.. ohh! what a nightmare.. and then students!.. what was it? learn while you  ? nooo.. earn while you learn.. all the ruckus it created.. aye aye aye..

am i the only one who gets such dreams? .. in which there are these other dreams that keep repeating themselves.. its funny that these dreams .. that I see again and again.. they reinforce themselves.. i remember them more clearly.. others just seem to slip away..

the other day i saw the same thing .. corel word perfect.. it just keeps appearing in all sorts of places.. this time it was with .. human resources for dummies…. the ad flyer.. it was awkward to see them together.. but you know in a dream even the most unimaginable things start making perfect sense.. ha ha ha
i know what you are thinking? i can feel it.. are kind of bored already.. i’m sorry i’m going on and on with my gibberish.. i just need to talk to someone.. just to clear my mind.. i wont take much more time.. i promise..

so where was I?. sorry.. i think i lost my chain of thoughts.. aaaa… what was i about to say.. shhhhhhhhhhh.. ahhhhhhhh.. anyway.. guess it will come back to me in a while.. there were these other things in my dream yesterday.. they are more like passing dreams.. like shadows that linger about but never really take a tangible form.. things like Smartstaff, ATLOT, 21st, PS1, OT,19/w4.. and they were more.. like.. AB..W..

oh yess!.. i am diverting again… but NOWW i remember.. i remember what i was trying to say earlier.. yes.. the last thing i wanted to discuss with you.. i think this is important.. i was wondering.. why am i even wasting so much time thinking and intellectualizing over these dreams.. do they even mean anything?

of course, they do! The fact that I’m obsessing over them so much and they’re affecting me so deeply.. isn’t that reason enough to try and make sense of them.

Copyright © 2021 Tanuja Mishra. All rights reserved.